JLS’s Aston has a sex embargo!

With America on the horizon, teen sensations JLS have decided that they will do a ‘Jo-Bro’ by putting an end to late night visitors and saying hello to self-chastity! They are hoping this will allow them to further concentrate on their careers.

Lead vocalist, Aston, is said to be taking this the worst. The attention that Aston has received during the past year has blown him away. Aston has already been linked to several different party girls in London and his bedroom is getting to be known as the official ‘after party’ location for many groupees.

American record producers are currently bidding to sign JLS and bring them over to the USA.

If successful I can’t honestly see this sex stoppage lasting long!

Peter Andre vs Alex Reid

Unsurprisingly, Peter Andre has not been watching this series of Big Brother.

When questioned, Peter revealed that he has always been an ‘I’m a celeb, get me out of here’ fan, but he has been ‘too busy’ to be able to watch this series!

We all know what you are trying to say Peter!

You probably hate Alex Reid and are rather upset that he is now favorite to win the show!

Will we see a big change in public love? Maybe the British public are moving over to ‘Team Jordan’???

I suppose we will find out later! Enjoy the final tonight!

Paris Hilton becomes Hollywood legend for 1 day!

Paris Hilton has dressed up as Marilyn Monroe for the advertising campaign for her new fragrance.

Other than Monroe’s type cast ‘dumb blonde’ persona, what do the two have in common?? Not so much.

Monroe’s most famous pose was standing over an air vent, sexily holding down her skirt with her hands as it blew around her. Paris, obviously went one further, as her most famous moment involved a blow-job and a night vision camera.

Last year we saw Li-Lo dress up as Marilyn as-well!

I’m sure Marilyn would have been so proud to have these new Monroes ‘following in her footsteps’!

Cheryl Cole and Katie Price can’t bear NOT being centre of attention!

Those Pesky Kids

This week the Pesky’s have been living it up at the NTA’s and Radio Times Covers Party – rubbing shoulders with the A-List stars, Jedward, Jordan, that pantsman bloke from The Apprentice….oh ok, C-List wannabes…

And who better to kick off this week’s goss than the big-boobed wonder that is Jordan. The oh-so-media-shy “business woman” spent the afterparty sat in her blindingly colourful frock, surrounded by her “people” refusing to have her picture taken with anyone. Let’s hope that the people being refused her photo were not one of the remaining few mugs – sorry, fans – still shelling out for her crap books, clothing line, hair products, calendars, underwear, fetish gear….ok, we made that last one up.

Heather Mills, however, proved to be fair game; as people flocked for a photo (god knows why), she happily obligied, even asking for some to be re-taken as “me eye were closed” (said in slightly obscure Geordie accent).

Disappointingly, Chezza Cola and her pimp boss, Simon Cowell, scurried off as soon as they accepted their award, but Jedward did hang around for some fun. Until their overprotective PR whisked them away in a fashion reserved for the likes of Brangelina and TomKat – we think someone needs to get over themselves, they will no doubt be fading in to obscurity this time next year – or entering rehab for an addiction to fizzy pop. Hang on, where’s Simon Cowell’s other “teen sensation”, George Sampson, been lately?

The annual Radio Times Covers Party was a bit of a non-event, but to be fair to them, they supplied a decent turn out of celebs, including recently retired Time Lord, David Tennant, who spent much of the evening standing at the back of the room surrounded by the Doctor Who “crew” (all very in-bred).

And who says TV is a fickle business?

Which recently married statuesque model turned domestic goddess is not as kitchen friendly as she may seem? Signed up to front a new culinary series based on her best selling cookery book, producers were astounded when on the first day of filming, it transpired she could barely boil an egg. They whipped her off to an intensive cookery course pronto….

FACT OF THE DAY:
Noel Gallagher has size 5 feet according to ex-missus Meg Matthews. Let’s hope it’s not true what they say….actually, lets hope it is.

Diamonds are forever… Or are they?

Alicia Keys’s boyfriend/producer, Swizz Beatz, proposed to the amazingly talented singer on her birthday with a magnificent 7-carat diamond ring.

It seems that this winter is the season of the proposal. Alicia follows the likes of Russell Brand and Katy Perry, David Walliams, Robbie Williams.

Of all the proposals Alicia has received the biggest and most bling ring, but does this mean she will have the happiest and most successful marriage?

Whitney Houston married Bobbi Brown after he proposed with a 10 carat oval diamond ring. We all know how disastrous that marriage was. The princess of pop ended up with a shocking drug habit, living in squalor.

Paris Hilton was engaged to Paris Latsis for a whole 4 months after he proposed with TWO rings. One was a 24 carat canary yellow diamond costing $5m and the second ring was a 15 carat white diamond costing $2.1m.

Famously Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Lopez with a stunning 6 carat radiant cut pink diamond costing $1.2m. Unfortunately they split up on their wedding day!

Lisa Marie Presley married Nicolas Cage for 107 days, the marriage ended when Miss Presley threw her $65,000 engagement ring into the sea following a massive bust up with Cage.

Let’s hope Alicia Keys marriage is more successful…

Olly Murs takes Stacey Solomon to the beach

When Essex residents Stacey Solomon and Olly Murs have a day off work they don’t bother with the glamourous shores of Miami or St Tropez, instead they drive half an hour to the English riviera, Southend-on-Sea.

Stacey tweeted;

‘Stuck in traffic need a wee! in Southend tonight wiv Olly can’t wait!‘

They are expected to make a club appearance together tonight. Olly has even hinted that he may take her out for some pre-work fish and chips.

Other X-Factor losers, John and Edward, are currently filming Friday Night with Jonathan Ross.

Being interviewed by Jonathan Ross or Southend pier, what would you choose?

Matthew Wright gets mixed up in dogging

Host of the ‘The Wright Stuff’ had a little mix up this morning when he thought a caller who, confessed to going dogging, meant having sex with animals!

I can’t imagine there are that many Channel 5 TV presenters who don’t know what dogging is, but it seems that Matthew Wright may have broken the mold!

Sue from Stoke on Trent had called in to discuss whether you should take part in your partners sexual desires.

The sexual act he did not understand involves having sex in public places, not with animals!

I hope he doesn’t have any pets!

The Apple iPad has an amazing new feature

You simply need to watch this video and all will be understood.

Will you be ordering one?

When in Rome

Here at Papture we know the sort of movies that you love, and this is one of them!

‘When in Rome’ is tipped to be hot in 2010.

Starring ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s’ Kristen Bell, this movie will have you all excited for April!

I’m just sorry for the wait!

Andy Murray reaches tennis final

Andy Murray hopes to break the 74 year wait for a British tennis player to win a grand slam.

Murray has just reached the Australian open final and will compete on Sunday for the trophy.

He has been tweeting throughout the championships:

‘not much else going on but did get a text from chris hoy saying well done. he’s in perth on training camp. Ricky hatton’s so nice too.’

‘Watching first series of gavin and stacey back at the apt. Think I’m the only person who’s never seen it before..’

We look forward to reading his celebratory tweets later!