Yes I know! Now close your mouth and move your head back away from the screen.

Paris Hilton is filming a new music video, and who cares whether the song is any good!

No need for this story to be any longer.

Life really does imitate art. And nobody does it better than Cheryl. When it all began there was big hair, big clothes, big discussions about that seemingly useless but nevertheless cherished tattoo, big shoes, big friends and most of all, big love. But a year on the popularity was waning and so was the love-rat footballer husband. Down went the hair extensions (surely the samson-esque superhuman strength of all self-respecting wags?), down came the husband, down came the extravagant couture spectacle and born in its place, a new, pared down, Cheryl. Just a bit more edgy, just a bit more cool and just that bit more Tweedy.

Madonna and Gaga are not the only masters of the revolution. For Cheryl- the nation’s treasure, the x-factor sweetheart (surely no cliche too big) there are still more layers to shed. We should not underestimate the serious nature of Malaria, Cheryl’s first foray into the wide world of Surrey following weeks of recovery has revealed the best Cheryl yet.

It’s painful to admit that there are times when we don’t want to see fashion, when high fashion is crude and inappropriate and just missing the point. Make-up free in her unflattering baggy jeans, sensible flip flops and what can only be described as thermal vests best saved for a chilly night on the ski slopes, we see the true Cheryl- stunning… but fragile, vulnerable and just a little bit normal. Probably how most of us look when we’ve just spent the night clutching the toilet bowl- perhaps minus the strikingly gorgeous cheekbones. And yet, in her least glamorous guise is where her stratospheric popularity will begin again. The nineties had heroine chic with Kate Moss. We now have malaria chic with our very own Cheryl.

If Kim Kardashian could insure her butt she really would.

Kim takes care of her important asset and even posted a picture of herself and American DJ LaLa Vazquez working out and keeping their bums the right size and shape.

Kim is on the left and she will be in that position for hours until her bum is perfect for her next photo shoot.

Stretch 2,3,4

Stretch 2,3,4

Stretch 2,3,4

Only 500 more to go!

Sex in the workplace is considered a no-no, but it hasn’t stopped the cast of ‘Wolfboy’ all having a go with each-other.

Former Hollyoaks star Emma Rigby, left the Trafalgar Studios with co-star Daniel Boys to have a romantic meal for two at London’s Ivy Club.

More worryingly than these co-stars having it off with each other, is that Daniel Boys is trying to pull off a ruck-sack and waistcoat look.

Big no-no!

Ben Shephard has bowed out of his final GMTV show today.

Ben has presented the show for ten years, he finished the show with:

“Thank you so much for inviting me into your houses, into your bedrooms, into your bathrooms, into your kitchens.”

“I will miss you all, I thank you for all the messages.”

‘There’s lots of things going on and I’m sure I’m going to see you again.”

“But for the time being, let’s have a lie in.”

Good luck at Sky Sports!

Amanda Holden has announced that she is to star as Princess Fiona in the West End version of Shrek:

“It’s true about me being Princess Fiona in Shrek! I’m so excited but best of all Lexi is telling everyone Mama will be a Green Princess!”

Richard Blackwood (haven’t heard his name in a while!) is to star as Donkey.

We all thought Amanda was the ass!

Just kidding Amanda, Congratulations!

Rio Ferdinand is a big strapping footballer, but when it comes to music tastes he doesn’t follow the footballer pack and only listens to urban beats.

Rio photographed himself today singing along with Friday McFly day on The Chris Moyles Show, where they play Star Girl every Friday.

“McFly me up! Its the taking part that counts! Couldn’t see any other drivers singing along!”

Moyles is on holiday for the next two weeks, so Rio may have to go without McFly for a couple of days!

It seems to be going from bad to worse.

We all knew Simon was quitting American Idol, but now the next star judge has jumped off the panel.

Ellen, who signed a five year contract with American Idol, said:

“A couple months ago, I let Fox and the American Idol producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me.”

So there are now two holes to be filled.

Jennifer Lopez is being tipped to replace Ellen, whereas a bunch of names are still being thrown around to replace Simon.

Will it be Justin Timberlake, Harry Connick Jr or even Piers Morgan?

Who would you like to see sipping water in Coca Cola cups in the hot seats?

We all thought Peaches Geldof was set to be married for the second time, at the tender age of 21.

Peaches’ first marriage, which lasted all of 7 months, was with a random musician who I have never heard of, Max Drummey.

To confirm that rumours of Peaches Jewish wedding were not true, Peaches wrote this on her Twitter:

“Just so everyone knows, Eli and I are not engaged or getting married. The tabloid stories stating this are all, as usual, made up lies.”

We were hoping that Peaches would marry Jewish movie director Eli Roth, but it seems a no go!

Peaches won’t be rushing into a marriage again!

Loose women star Denise Welch was spotted leaving pricey nightclub, Mahiki earlier in the week.

Welch, known for her loose morals and enjoyment of a drink (or four) was getting even looser as she was spotted drunkenly giving a kiss goodbye to fit stripper, Lotan Carter in an unflattering green tribal print cat suit, teamed with a bright orange handbag, note: the lack of bra and the slightly glazed look on her face.

It’s not that I don’t think Denise is fantastic with her quirky, liberal comments on the popular daytime TV show- she has become a treasure for it and my favourite loose woman. But at the age of 52, there is a time to leave the brightly coloured cat suit at the back of the wardrobe (and perhaps stop falling out of nightclubs in the early hours of the morning) and say, “Yes! I will wear a bra and not wear a camel-toe hugging tribal nightmare.”